In time I was able to use the pointer finger on each hand. So I was able to type with two fingers for short periods.
I began to type out what kinds of experiences for me frequently induced a sense of wonderment when I participated in them. I needed this list to help address the despair that was constantly gnawing. I wrote a list out over a week and noticed that all the activities fell into five broad groups:
One morning I woke up remembering an experience I had had when I was young, elementary school age. I was outside in nature, alone sitting by a running river. I had in my hands a small garter snake and in an instant my small personal viewpoint disappeared. I don't know how long this experience went on for but when the sense of 'me' came back everything was shimmering in light and I knew that everything was One and that that Oneness was Love.
I was so happy about this I jumped up to go and tell my parents. As I made my way to the house I could feel energy moving through everything, and heart felt: How wonderful! There is a beautiful, bright energy underlying everything!
As I put my hand on the screen door to open it and saw my parents inside the thought hit me, "I can't tell them this, they will think I am crazy." I continued inside and said nothing.
I think all of us, when we are young have some experience, by Grace, that informs us of Oneness. People call this experience by many names: God, Spirit, Light, Love, and many other words.
Einstein, before discovering his unified field theory maintained an underlying presumption that, "whatever reality is, it would show itself to be simple and beautiful."
Within a couple days of having this experience I doubted and then forgot it though the memory of it would surface at different times throughout my life, often when what I called 'Oneness' would again break through my personal point of view and fill me with wonder and mystery.
Though I had experienced knowing that we are all truly One, the profound meaning of these experiences had yet to truly penetrate my sense of reality.