Had the Experience But Missed the Meaning - T.S. Elliot

In time I was able to use the pointer finger on each hand.  So I was able to type with two fingers for short periods.

I began to type out what kinds of experiences for me frequently induced a sense of wonderment when I participated in them.  I needed this list to help address the despair that was constantly gnawing.  I wrote a list out over a week and noticed that all the activities fell into five broad groups:

Nature

Friends

Books

Creativity

Walking

One morning I woke up remembering an experience I had had when I was young, elementary school age.  I was outside in nature, alone sitting by a running river.  I had in my hands a small garter snake and in an instant my small personal viewpoint disappeared.  I don't know how long this experience went on for but when the sense of 'me' came back everything was shimmering in light and I knew that everything was One and that that Oneness was Love.

I was so happy about this I jumped up to go and tell my parents.  As I made my way to the house I could feel energy moving through everything, and heart felt:  How wonderful!  There is a beautiful, bright energy underlying everything!

As I put my hand on the screen door to open it and saw my parents inside the thought hit me, "I can't tell them this, they will think I am crazy."  I continued inside and said nothing.

I think all of us, when we are young have some experience, by Grace, that informs us of Oneness.  People call this experience by many names: God, Spirit, Light, Love, and many other words.

Einstein, before discovering his unified field theory maintained an underlying presumption that, "whatever reality is, it would show itself to be simple and beautiful."

Within a couple days of having this experience I doubted and then forgot it though the memory of it would surface at different times throughout my life, often when what I called 'Oneness' would again break through my personal point of view and fill me with wonder and mystery.

Though I had experienced knowing that we are all truly One, the profound meaning of these experiences had yet to truly penetrate my sense of reality.