Where You Stumble and Fall, There You Find Pure Gold - C.G. Jung

Fabric Weaving as taught by Jude Hill

 

I was facing something I did not want to see or acknowledge.  While I was saying " I do art for the love of art" I was clearly not doing this.  I intuited the truth and beauty of doing art or truly any activity as an expression of love and yet once again was faced with a realization that below these words I was ego-driven and not heart lead.

I had experienced this realization before and yet here I was, painfully visiting it again.

I have learned over time that life does not progress in any kind of straight line forward and yet wondered: do lessons ever get learned in some final way?

I also cannot deny that human and non-human suffering goes on everyday.  Suffering is a very evident part of life.  Any person who I have gotten to know below their 'surface' has dealt with suffering.  No one escapes it.  And having done animal rescue and rehabilitation work for years the suffering of the non humans goes without saying.  So I could not feel sorry for myself or blame anyone for the use of my hands being taken away.

I felt, deeply that I would use any activity egoically, insisting on uniqueness of self rather than trusting and following the Mysterious Creative Process.

I clearly felt how in general I was moved by anxiety and fear and not trust in something greater than my ego. 

Yet I also whole bodily knew, that there was something so much greater than the egoic self.  I knew that both stillness and movement could be done in love not egoity and that when anything was done from this place beyond the ego that true Beauty occurred.  

I was clearly obstructing Light from coming in.

I felt both emotionally and physically frozen.

I had stumbled and fallen.

A Journey of Mystery

Experimenting with fabric weaving as taught by Jude Hill

I could not have understood at my core what I had come to believe about 'art' and specifically drawing if I had not lost my ability to draw.  And, like any belief, these beliefs directed how I interacted with myself and others.  Of even more importance I was able to understand how these deeply held beliefs once known, actually were preventing me from growing in artistic expression as I had seen a number of my friends grow and flower.

I realized that 'art' for me had become linked with my understanding of and expression of "me".

I had developed strong convictions that the ability to draw was equivalent to being an artist and I had spent years working to develop this skill. 

After understandably grieving this loss it became obvious to me that I was looking to my ability to produce 'art' as a way to be loved rather than as a way to express love.

How had I so unconsciously taken a form of expression that had once been a source of joy and turned it into something that had to provide my life with meaning?

Carl Jung has written:  " The greatest and most important problems of life are fundamentally unsolvable.  They can never be solved but only out grown."

A New Hello!

Often to get to a different perspective something has to change.  Getting arthritis in my hands was a big change that included a number of endings.  In order for me to move past the self pity and entropy I was swimming in I had to question and make shifts in strongly held beliefs.
I found out very quickly how strongly my sense of meaning was tied to what I was able to DO: drawing, painting, cleaning, cooking, gardening (all activities that I needed my hands for) and was not very connected to who I am.
I will be writing more in the coming weeks about this Grace Filled process of discovery and sharing how in the midst of changes it became very clear to me that mysterious creative process is always present and available.
I have been doing different types of art:

And have been rediscovering creating out of love rather than to get love.

My arthritis is healing and that too involved a significant change in diet.  If anyone is interested in the diet that has been helping me it is called the GAPS diet.

If you are brave

enough to say

goodbye, life will

reward you with

a new hello

-Paulo Coehlo

 

 

Happy Day of the Heart

May you seek to give love more than to get,

 

 

May your heart be full from the giving of love and kindness,

 

May we celebrate our unity with and love for all of life,

 

Happy Day of the Heart

Inspired by Kindness

I received an e-mail from Robyn Gordon  her blog: Art Propelled and her art are a deep source of inspiration and 'awe' for me.  There are times when someone reaches out and it is just at the time a 'lifesaver' is needed.  I was needing a 'hand' when Robyn's kind e-mail arrived letting me know that she too had addressed dealing with arthritis.   
Look at one of Robyn's amazing Niche Carvings:

Here is a stunning Tribal Door that she carved:

 

I encourage you to look at both her website (attached to her name above) and her blog. 

I am a bit embarrassed to share the art I made for myself to remind me how important words of kindness are and yet here is my work sparked by Robyn titled: Inspired by Kindness

 

 

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. ~Leo Buscaglia

 

What will our children do in the morning if they do not see us fly? - Rumi

 

These are some pages from one of my art journals.  This is a new approach for me inspired by  

 Matisse who described his paper cut out process as "drawing with scissors" explaining: "Paper cutouts allow me to draw in color, I see it as a simplification. Instead of drawing the contour and putting color into it--one modifying the other--I draw directly in color." 

 I used loose watercolors in the background and then cut out past drawings and glued them on.  This was wonderfully fun! 

 

 

"Creativity takes Courage"  H. Matisse

A Change in Perspective

 

 

During this past November I had to address the arthritis in my hands and how it affected my ability to draw.  After spiraling down into a dark hole and visiting there for awhile I picked myself up and began to explore what I was able to do.  I could sew, work with clay, paint, collage, and do a bit of drawing.  While drawing is a deep love of mine, allowing expression of the mysterious creative process that seems to flow through all of us was more important than drawing I discovered.  This has been a journey that I am beginning to undertand enough to share.  Some of my current pieces: 

 

Here is a quote I find very inspiring:

The planet does not need more 'successful people'. The planet desperately needs more peacemakers, healers, restorers, storytellers and lovers of all kinds. It needs people to live well in their places. It needs people with moral courage willing to join the struggle to make the world habitable and humane and these qualities have little to do with success as our culture has set. " - H.H.The Dalai Lama